An informal poll on Twitter offers small comfort that you’re not alone when it comes to gritting your teeth through the half-dozen or more commercials that assault you between segments of any television program. Marketers lie awake at night trying to determine how to reach the lowest of the low with their nonsensical story lines, bad dancing (so much bad dancing!), and jingles guaranteed to create never-ending earworms. And then they believe that by airing them once every 5 minutes, we’ll buy their products.
Insurance and pharmaceutical commercials head the list. Emus, singing hood ornaments, and motaurs vie for eyeballs (and dollars) with happy drugged people peering around corners, drawing in the sky, and leading kids on field trips moving in slo-mo.
Be assured. By the time you read this list, many new iterations will be aired – with the same jingle, with different characters mouthing the same script.
1. Dave and Limu Emu – Liberty Insurance
2. Wet teddy bears – Liberty. Since replaced by “Gimme a throw back and robotic dancing.
3. The guy in the sports car and the creepy singing hood ornament – Allstate. Thankfully supplanted by woman towing house and marching band pursuing driver.
4. Flo and friends – Progressive
5. The Oh-gasmic Ozempic commercial. The latest iteration features a guy in his “zone.” And a woman keeping score. And another guy.
6. The girl in the bad band leaving the stage due to GI issues – “Is she all right?”
7. “Nothing is Everything…” whoo-oh-oh-woo-oh – Skyrizi. Uber glamorous woman preening for her friends.
8. Emerge “tremphiant.” Probably the worst made up pharma word, not to mention the authoritative British voice to lend an air of credibility
9. The Tom Selleck reverse mortgage ad
10. The Oscar Mayer “yum choir” – ran 7 times the first evening it aired. That one cooled its jets for a while, but a new version has returned along with dancing bacon.
11. Car Shield ads with IceT and the jut-jawed sports announcer
12. Charmin toilet paper with the red bears’ dirty butts
13. Speaking of butts, laxative ads – Dulcolax (smiling woman pulling away in her SUV with a knowing look after having taken a ….) AND Colace – painful Poo/No. 2 scenarios. Also (this one is new) Lumé for crotch odor and other “stinky parts.” And, the ED and PD ads as well – Bent Carrot?? Which marketing idiot stayed awake all night thinking up that one. No boundaries, none.
14. JG Wentworth (“It’s my money and I want it now”) – loser guy with bad hair couch surfing at mom’s
15. Bob’s Discount Furniture with the creepy little Bob because the real Bob has gotten to be such a geezor
16. Rock Auto dot com – Ear worm material
17. Sarah McLaughlin’s animal rescue ad – pulling at our heart strings and wallets
18. Kids raising funds for St. Jude’s and Shriners – see above
19. MyPillow ads – are they really still being aired? Only on Fox because Lindell has proved himself to be a raving lunatic.
20. Kraft commercials airing every 5 minutes with kids acting like brats until they get what they want
21. The Flonase allergy monsters
22. Medicare Advantage Enrollment w/Joe Namath
23. Any “focus group” ad – gutter guards, Kardiomobile, becoming your parents
24. “Bag alert” droning voice in Wendy’s commercial. But wait, now it’s “What do you want with your fries?”
25. Safelite Auto Glass. “my windshield ‘broke’” No cost … “Really?”
26. Silverado tailgate commercial with Nah-nah-nah-nah Hey Hey Hey Good by – people carrying tailgates overseen by jug-jawed guy with major 5 o’clock shadow.
27. All commercials in which people are dancing badly – most recently an Applebee’s commercial. Applebee’s has tried to stay relevant by copping bad rock songs.
28. Golli – Dave “slapping,” girl chomping, more people dancing badly
29. Vascepa ad with even more people dancing badly. At no point do they say that it’s pharma fish oil.
30. Cologuard – who the hell has conversations with a walking, talking box?
Which commercials can you add?
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