Friday, December 2, 2011

Sally’s Top Gripes for 2011

I’m feeling especially cranky today, so I decided to dust off and update my gripes from 2002, with a nod to the late Andy Rooney.
Cell phones. One would think the novelty of talking in a bathroom stall would wear off after 15 years or so.

Sport utility vehicles driven by cell phone-talking blonde housewives on their way to pick up the kids and who continue their conversations at the grocery store's meat counter.

SUVs and their crossover cousins, which look like they were sat on by the SUV. I will never understand why anyone would buy anything so ugly.

The relentless peddling of pharmaceuticals on television showing blissfully happy people unaware that they may grow horns or a third eye or die if they take the drug they’re hawking.

Women who feel compelled to perform the inconceivable task of getting pregnant after 50. Or 60. Or Michelle Duggar, who is shooting for number 20. How desperate are you? Volunteer at a school. Or adopt a cat.

Men who have decided it’s cool to sport stubble. What is this trend? Either grow a beard or shave. The homeless look is just not attractive.

Football games on network TV when the news is supposed to be on. Like there aren’t enough sports stations.

Nigerian spam/scammers. The only people who get $13 million in a single clip are CEOs booted with their golden parachutes. But then they’re probably related.

Sticker ads placed on the front page of newspapers. And their annoying cousins, the mini-page wraps. Signs of that industry’s desperate plea for ad dollars.

The cat-got-your-tongue telemarketer. You pick up the phone and say hello. Silence. Hello? Finally a telemarketer comes on the line. At which point you hang up. Oh, and just last night, I received a robo-call that started with, “Don’t hang up!” Guess what I did?

The card games, coin games, coupon games, and point games played by supermarkets in their effort to get you to buy more than you need or stuff you don’t need. And to access your buying habits to sell you more stuff. Just lower the freakin’ prices and make everyone happy!

Finally it’s Christmas, and no matter hard you try, you can’t get away from it. From the insanity of Black Friday to the Andy Williams wanna-be hawking cars, retailers are trying desperately to separate consumers from their hard-earned cash. I’ll give them a hint – it doesn’t work. 

I told you I was good at ranting!

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