Wednesday, August 8, 2012

If I ruled the world

Okay, there would be world peace, good jobs for all, a take-down of the Wall Street big-wigs and banks, a bipartisan Congress, spending limits and time constraints on the campaigning process… You get the idea.

But I’m talking about some basics here. Stuff that’s a part of everyday life and gives us major agita.

Appliances and surfaces, large and small: sinks, shower stalls – Things that we use each day that are just plain difficult to clean and keep clean. In terms of surface design and construction material, they require way too much elbow grease.

A stove surface is obviously exposed to high heat and spill-overs. Why should that be so hard to clean? Despite daily wipe-ups, there’s crud that can’t be scrubbed off. Sure, use the burner pans, but then there’s twice as much surface that needs to be scrubbed.

A scumless shower stall?
Shower stalls, fiberglass and otherwise, are magnets for soap scrum. Can they make a scumless soap? Or a surface that repels the scum? Or bottle a team of maids, like the TV commercial, that charge into the stall as you emerge, dripping, to scrub it down? Who has the discipline and time to spray the surface with some chemical and/or scrub daily when it takes moving heaven and earth just to get out the door?

And that doesn’t take into account the black crud that relentlessly grows in every nook and cranny of the stall. Naturally it’s discovered during the shower after you’ve broken your back scrubbing, and believed you did a good job.

If I ruled the world, those who design and manufacture these things should be required to live with them before releasing them to the public. Give them a toothbrush to scrub out those nooks and crannies. It should be part of the quality control process. You know the design would be different.

And those products touted as miraculously eliminating scrum/grease/grime with a single swipe? What planet are their manufacturers living on? Moreover, what surface, owned and maintained by a perfectly coiffed and perfectly dressed resident, gets that dirty?

What about the woman who just smiles when the grape juice being carried in to her on a tray by her kids spills on the white dog, which then shakes and purple-izes the entire room?

Scenes like these need the caveat, “For schmucks only. Not indicative of real results.”

Next on the list, aluminum foil boxes, which have probably not changed since the product was put on the market.

A box of foil that stays closed?
The boxes do not close, despite the “tuck edge in here” slit at each end, and the roll inevitably falls out. After complaining to Reynolds about its packaging, I was told there was a perforation at the end that, when punched in, would secure the roll. Right! First, you need a drill to get through, and ultimately the ends come apart. (Oh, and they sent me a coupon.)

Second, if you manage to push in the ends, the roll does not pull freely, which means it still falls out of the box and out of the cupboard where it is stored because it doesn’t close properly and fits awkwardly with the other storage-type boxes.

Fix a few of these things and I just might support you for a presidential run.

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