Saturday, February 6, 2010

Alternatives to the big game: A baker’s dozen

I’m not afraid to admit it. I hate football. I will never understand why viewers and players alike get some kind of thrill over bodily abuse. “Slam. Bam. Oh, that feels good. I think I’ll do it again.”

Although I understand that some women are into the game, it’s probably just an excuse for guys to get together and drink, eat and yell too much. Don’t forget the hype about buying a big screen television (HD or plasma, preferably) just in time the for “the game.”
So here are 13 ways to amuse yourself instead of vicariously experiencing the pain of the jocks who are destroying their brain cells by the minute.

13. Sleep. With ear plugs to deaden the hooting and hollering.

12. Precede that by a luxurious bubble bath, accompanied by a glass of wine and a good book.

11. Color your hair. At least you won’t have to worry about anyone critiquing your appearance while it’s in progress. While you’re at it, exfoliate, depilate, manicure, pedicure … you know, those things that are difficult to do with a significant other around.

10. Shop. Although I feel about shopping the way I feel about the bodily contact involved in football. Pain. But I’m sure the stores will be loaded with plenty of sales and for those so inclined, go for it.

9. Take a walk around your neighborhood. It’s sure to be nice and quiet since everyone will be watching The Game and you’ll get a chance to notice what the neighbors have been doing to their properties.

8. Get together with some girlfriends and watch the chick flicks you’ve been longing to see.

7. Clean out that catch-all sock-bra-pantyhose-slip drawer. Dig up some old beloved CDs to keep you company. By the way, has anyone worn pantyhose since Joe Namath made the BeautyMist pitch back in the 1974?

6. Make that Indian (or Thai or Chinese) recipe that your significant other hates and enjoy every last bite of it. Just make sure everyone watching the game is well supplied with beer, natchos and chips beforehand.

5. Think spring. Look through the gardening catalogs that have arrived in the mail and plan your garden. If it’s mild enough, take a walk-through to determine what needs revamping.

4. Spend some time volunteering at your local community dining room or animal shelter. Who knows? You might enjoy it enough to make it a regular part of your routine.

3. Seek out a foreign film at your local cinema – one with subtitles. There’s no crime in going by yourself. It’s sure to be the antithesis of The Game.

2. If you’re feeling flush, grab a like-minded friend and head to one of the casinos (they can use the business, these days). Just be sure to take a set amount of cash and leave the debit and credit cards at home.

1. Are any local restaurants offering special events not related to the Super Bowl? Book a reservation and have a great time, sans nachos and noise.

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